Colour Me Happy

lost in sedona.

We lost Eisley this weekend.

Dave found her.  Thank God.

I can only begin to understand what parents who lose a child go through.  Despair.  Helplessness.

Sunday was the worst day ever, & then the best day ever.  Somehow we got too far ahead of her while trail running in Sedona.  I stopped to wait for her, decided I was going to pick her up & walk the rest of the way (it was hotter than we had expected), but she never came.  I slowly started retracing my steps, gaining speed as I rounded each bend & met empty straight-aways, until I was sprinting my hardest in sheer panic.  Once I hit the shadey spot we had last stopped together for a drink, I completely lost it.  Fortunately Dave was close behind, attracted by my yelling, & now, crying.  Where the fuck was she?  Wandering off, especially in the middle of a run, is not in her nature.  Wandering off trail is not like her either, since she prefers softer ground.  Oh my god, a coyote got her; but there was no blood. 

We think she must have stopped to do her business, & then got distracted sniffing around in the shade just off the trail.  I must have passed her in my state of panic.  Dave must have passed her too.  At one point she must have headed up the trail, thinking we were ahead.

I think I can keep a cool head, unless I'm personally, emotionally attached to the situation.  I was terrified & not in the least bit ready to accept I may have just lost my little girl & best bud.  After spreading off trail & wading through jabbing stickers for what seemed like an hour -- even though it was likely half that -- Dave told me to start walking back to the FJ slowly, calmly, & quietly.  Listen for her in the bushes, you know she's quiet*, he reminded me, as he ran ahead to see if she was waiting.  (*Eisley doesn't usually bark.)

Maybe it's just his nature or maybe it's his experience as a firefighter/EMT, but Dave can handle stress.  He knows how to assess situations, determine probable outcomes, accept what he can no longer control, & do what needs to be done.  He does this all while staying super calm & collected.  Not only was he handling the fact we couldn't find Eisley, he was also handling me.  Believe me, he & I both know he would have been carrying me out of there had something happened to her.

As he ran up the trail, he suddenly noticed a couple little shadey spots.  She would like this.  He stopped to look around, calling out her name.  As he circled a tree, he gently whispered her name.  Moments later she came running down the trail, a look of confusion & worry as her eyes darted around.  She caught sight of him & sprang forward to attack his hands with her tongue.  "Allie, I found her!"  I've never run so fast.

::sigh:: for safe puppies...& for amazing husbands who always seem to know exactly what to do.  Needless to say, our family time has felt a little more intimate & special the last couple days.

~

I meant to share a couple snippets of our weekend but got carried away with this story.  It's nearly as draining to recap it, so why don't you just link to your favorite photos from the weekend in the comments for me?  I'd love to see your happy moments.

snapshots / eden

Dave is really talented at capturing photos at dusk.  Every once in awhile, I get lucky.  I didn't get very lucky in Eden.  Dave is going to help me become more familiar with my camera, so I can show you Arizona's amazing sunsets.  I do have a couple "sunset" photos from Eden, but they don't really capture how moving it was. 

What I really love is morning light though.  It just works for me, without a lot of extra effort or camera rigging.  Most of these snapshots are from morning walks with Eisley or my friend, Tara; the rest were taken around dusk.  I don't have any photos of myself; apparently Billa was my muse much of the trip.  I don't think I photo bomb too often & only when a place is very special to me, so I hope you enjoy these.

Eden is magical & healing.  We slept under the stars beneath a beautiful, draping tree (photo above with Eisley's blanket hanging from it).  The moon was bright & huge; it woke me nearly every night.  A small, flowing stream trickled downhill, radiating heat & creating steamy channels as it entered & left each hot spring pool.  The warm pools embraced our tired bodies in the early mornings & evenings; some hot enough, we could only stay in for a few minutes.  During the heat of the day, the cooler, natural swimming pool, slick with moss, welcomed our naked bodies. 

We wrapped our hearts around nature, were reminded how precious she is, & breathed her in.

We were in the midst of amazing, natural medicine: the pools themselves & the life surrounding them.  I slathered mud all over my body the last morning of our stay, feeling it pull taught over my skin as it dried in the sun & drew toxins out.  I was introduced to yerba mansa, an unassuming broad-leafed plant with tiny white blossoms (fifth photo from bottom).  Chewing half a leaf completely warded off a deep bronchial cough that had crept up suddenly; it was gone by the end of the day.  We ate raw food, watched the sun set from the mesa, shared stories, & embraced new friends. 

watching the sun set

Why does it take something as phenomenal as an eclipse to make us stop & acknowledge the sun?

Since Eden, I've been striving to be more mindful of both sunrise & sunset, embracing the daily cycle as it folds around us.  Noting sunrise comes more naturally to me.  I, like Katie, love early mornings, & the sun spills through our french doors.  Morning rituals don't have to be a grand gesture or hippie ceremony; it doesn't even have to happen at the exact moment the sun rises.  Sometimes, it's simply sitting outside while I eat breakfast or watch Eisley play in the grass for a few minutes.  Some mornings, it's just stopping for a moment to breathe & quiet my mind.  A morning yoga practice is also a wonderful way to greet the day, & I always water our herbs in the morning light.

Sunset can more easily elude me though.  It is easier to start the day mindful, peaceful, & observant.  The distractions that arise later in the day are what get me.  Walking Eisley with Dave brings us back to connect with nature - the Arizona colors of the setting sun are insane.  Now that it is nice & summery, taking dinner outside more often seems like a wonderful idea.  AcroYoga with Dave on the grass could be pretty perfect in the evening too.  When we are out bouldering or climbing after work, our walk back to the car always seems to happen around sunset.  This can be magical.  Tell me, in what ways do you slow down in the evening & embrace sunset?  Could you see the annular solar eclipse yesterday?

I'm in an especially nature-loving mood.  If you are too, Lakshmi posted a beautiful tribute to Mother Earth: a lovely reminder to build a harmonic relationship with her again through peace, love, & mindfulness.

you should get a dog.

Eisley has been especially affectionate the last couple days. 

I'm not sure if it's all the bonding we did in Eden or the fact we get to spend all day together again or the long walks we've been taking, but she's my little shadow more than usual -- & I get kisses all the time.

I just love her.

Everyone should have a dog.  Seriously, even if you don't think you're a dog person, you probably are.  I met a man in Eden who had recently adopted a beautiful pit bull per his wife's insistence.  Supposedly, he doesn't even like dogs, but man was he ever smitten with their pup.

You can't share your life with these beautiful companions & not end up about a thousand times happier everyday.

Seriously.

goddess.

oh wow.

this place is beautiful & magical.

it touched me with all its subtleties & gentle power.

i'm not ready to be back online yet.

nope - because what i was reminded of is nature.

for all the talking & sharing & looking & surfing & pinning we do, we've lost touch with the core of it all. 

it's more than just loving nature...it's l o v i n g nature & connecting. really.

i have more photos & maybe even thoughts to share -- though there is not much point in putting what i realized into words -- but for now, i'm still mostly offline.

leaving for Eden.

Yesterday I left for Eden, Arizona to enjoy hot springs & the desert sun.  I cannot imagine a better way to decompress after the school year.  My days will be filled with clean food, yoga, therapeutic soaks, self-reflection, & writing.  Eisley is with me.  I have been looking foward to this little camping trip for weeks & found it difficult to stay focused until my finals were over.

My last final was Thursday, & I am so ready for summer.

 

 

 

These are my intentions.  Are you ready, summer?  GO!

second-hand *give away* / DKNY frames

Growing up, I hated the idea of used or second-hand items.  Going to DI with my grandma was one of my least favorite past-times.  It smelled weird.  Honestly, it still sort of does, but it is actually a really cool concept, intermingling vocational rehab with a thrift store setting.  This post isn't actually about DI or thrift stores or anything like that.  It is just interesting to note how much certain tastes, preferences, & discriminations have changed over the years.  Now I LOVE consignment shops & thrift stores & gently used items; so much so, I physically miss some of my favorite little shops in SLC.  Vintage is actually pretty rad, right?  I wish I were offering you an awesome pair of truly vintage eyewear.  Alas, these frames are only a few years old.

I only keep glasses on hand as a back up & to give my eyes a break from my contacts every couple weeks, so these are in pretty new condition & haven't been worn all that much.  My lens prescription (for my glasses) has been outdated for more than a couple years, so I decided it was time to update it.  Let's just say, there was a lot of squinting going on if I ever needed to drive while wearing my glasses.  Maybe not the safest.  Instead of just replacing the lenses, I got a new pair of glasses; which means my old frames are up for grabs.

I know there are a lot of great non-profits out there that take old glasses, but I also know what it's like to not have insurance & be among the middle class.  We usually don't qualify for state assistance; & while we are capable of taking care of ourselves, some months are tighter than others.  Even though I know to expect it every year, it always seems like expenses such as glasses, contacts, exams...creep up suddenly or at very inopportune times.  I have insurance again, thanks to Dave, & want to pass along what I can to people I care about.

So...if you are interested in taking my DKNY frames off my hands, please leave a comment or send me a message, & I will send them your way!  The color is "brown on honey" - sort of dark tortoise around the eyes with silvery-taupe stems.  Obviously you will have to replace the lenses with your own prescription, but at least it will save you the cost of frames.  If there is more than one response, I'll do a random drawing or something.  I will give everyone a week to reply, so the give away "closes" next Wednesday, May 9th, at 5am.  Anyone can join in, but really this is meant more for someone who needs new frames or hasn't been able to afford a new pair in awhile. 

Believe me, I know they are an expensive, necessary accessory, & it is fun to switch up your eye glasses!  This is my new pair.

Is this totally weird of me?  Does anyone even want my old glasses?  I really hope someone will take me up on my offer if it will make her (or him) happy.

a.

springtime / i would rather be outside.

I have felt somewhat uninspired recently. 

Maybe uninspired isn't the right word.

I haven't liked any of my photography lately.  I have "artistic" ventures sitting on the art table, left untouched for weeks.  Every time I go to take photos of a project I want to share (like homemade body butter), I think, meh.  I have recipes (like baby artichokes with an amazing caper cumin mayo), opinions (about my trouble with B12), & other ideas sitting in my drafts box; but I just can't be bothered with typing them up.  I'd rather be outside.

I haven't 'pinned' in over two months.  I can't say I've even missed my Pinterest account since I cancelled it.  Getting offline & doing is making me happier.  Plus when a good idea strikes, it feels more original.  I'm not necessarily doing a lot of crafty projects though.  Certain things just seem wasteful.  Watching documentaries puts me in this cynical state, where I want to do things that really make a difference for the better (for all people).  Dirt! is an especially good one; it sounds like it would be ridiculous, but it's done very well.

The projects I do have my hands in are starting herbs indoors from seed & tethering together hanging baskets once they sprout.  My handlebars still need to be re-wrapped, because biking makes me so happy.  I'm eating really simply: mostly fruit, occasionally dressed up a bit with fresh herbs. 

I am also trying to develop some yoga series specific for climbers & get back into doing sports & injury massage.  Dave is my muse.

And again, I just want to be outside.  I want to play in the sunshine, & sometimes, I just want to sit in it.

I wouldn't call this a "slump" as much as a shift of...creativity...or perspective...or living.

Have you felt this draw toward unplugging & staying outdoors? 

I think it's springtime.

spring time, fitness update, & an online/health writing "workshop"

The sun is shining, our two-foot snowfall has melted, & the winds are picking up, which means it is finally spring here.  I just want to be outside...& for the wind to ease up a bit.

On Saturday morning, I took Eisley for a bike ride on the trails behind our house, stopping on the rope swing to spin.

The sun felt so good.

Then the two of us spent a good portion of the afternoon laying outside, eating peas from the pod, until I sun-burned (only) the back of my knees.  Brilliant.

I am NOT a great mountain biker (I prefer road biking), but something felt really solid on our ride.  Our trail is pretty moderate except for a rocky up/downhill section I normally feel very wobbly on.  I just went for it though & made it most of the way before stalling out or tripping over a rock.  My core & entire body felt more engaged -- like I wasn't just steering with my arms -- so I had greater control.

My legs usually feel tired -- like they never warm up -- when we mountain bike; this time they felt strong, which surprised me since I haven't been since the fall.  I've started including leg specific strength/weight-training again regularly & am sure that is making all the difference.  A guy at a bike shop once told me "muscles" are the "anti-biker".  I disagree.  Sure, maybe bodybuilder style, but I bike better when I work my legs in the gym; plus SO many of the bikers I worked with could have avoided their over-use issues if they had focused on balance & maintenance through some form of strength training.

I love my SLR but am so happy for the point & shoot.  It's easy to just throw in my bike bag & grab shots while I'm out & about.  I mean, look at that grin.

As I've mentioned before, Eisley LOVES biking, so I love taking her; plus it felt really good to connect with my body in an active way.  My shoulder & forearms have been bothering me, so I've not been climbing much & instead am trying to focus on preventive measures.  It's been hard to step back from some of the intense activities I love, but it's smarter to figure out what is going & correct it before something major happens.  When I can help it, I would rather prevent over rehab.  It's given me a chance to embrace other things I love like swimming, biking, & yoga.

Yesterday, Dave, our friend Dylan, & I hiked to Red Mountain, a collapsed volcano, & it would have been more enjoyable without the wind.  The interesting landscape was worth the short hike & full of slot canyon-esque features.

 
Besides we were protected from the wind as Dave coaxed us into scurrying up & down some of the slopes with him.

ALSO, after hearing about the Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge from Faith, I think it might be a fun project.  It is sponsored by Wego Health, which is a social media network focused on health activism.  The challenge (HAWMC) is to write a health-related post a day for all 30 days of April.  Wego sends you a list of prompts for each day, which you can choose to use or not.  Honestly, I doubt I will do all 30 days, because blogging every day is just not the right balance for me.  I can't post everyday -- or really read other blogs that post everyday -- & stay on top of classes & do all of the offline me-time activities that really make me happy.  It seems like a great way to spark writing ideas & start real discussions about health though, so I'm game.  If you want to sign up for the topics & participate in the challenge, just go here.

two whole years

Two years ago from yesterday, we married in the desert.

It's been two years?!  whaaat.

I know a lot of folks hold high expectations for anniversary celebrations, but we agreed to keep it simple.  Dave & I would like to travel out of the states again soon, so I came up with the idea of putting any money we would spend on our anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc. toward our travel fund instead; BUT our travel fund is actually looking pretty good, so Dave spoiled us last night with a lovely (full course) dinner at Tinderbox Kitchen.

You know those places where the food isn't just really good, but there is something completely special about it?  They are rare, but that's what Tinderbox is.  The whole experience was really special.  So much so, we kept our menu -- which is dated -- & asked if the chef would sign it.  We've never done that before.

I have been known to complain about Flagstaff not having any really great restaurants.  I'm eating my own words. 

We didn't exactly do "gifts".  We are leaning toward experiences more & more as gifts.  How often do you remember what you got & when anyway?  Experiences create memories though.  Besides, sincere, simple gestures are often the most cherished & thought about.  His treat of taking us out was perfect.

I left a simple note, along with this print for his office, for him to find when he dressed in the morning.

It is an amazing moment he captured on a hike in Sedona.  How on earth?  Patience, I suppose.  We had so much fun chasing butterflies that day.  He had it hanging in his office, printed on regular paper.  I wanted him to have a proper print of it.  I seriously gave him just the print, pinned to a note.  I wanted him to choose his own matting & frame; he is kind of particular.  The butterfly turned out really lovely on a glossy 5x7.

He inspires me.  I still can't believe how our lives aligned.  He shares his life & artistic vision with me!  I love how easily he sees things for what they are & truly appreciates life & what it offers.

He gets it. 

I love him.