I have never cried so many tears as those shed these past months.
It has never taken such effort to simply Breathe.
The summer I finally felt at home in my own skin is also the summer I lost myself. The months to follow were drenched in the most challenging, heart-breaking, frustrating moments of my life. With this pain and ache and sadness has come the purest joy as well. Through these tears I found my focus again. Clearer than before. Laughter is plentiful and richer. I feel deeply. Love deeply.
I started typing this as part of a "senses" series, but it was lighter than what I feel. It felt seemingly empty and not quite authentic to my current state of mind, my entire state of being actually. I am not ready to go deep. I am not at a place to put details out into the universe. This space I carve out to write and share bits of my passions has morphed into a journal more so than any sort of "health" or "fitness" or "food" blog. Notes to myself float out from this virtual space more often than recipes or clever ideas. In sharing - in trying to write - I unfold. These wounds are exposed - too fresh to be unraveled - but I want to continue to unfold, to find my words, and share here...
I am happy. I am whole. I am intentionally trying to live deeply. In each moment.
So more of these moments have been spent offline in introspection and in savoring simple joys. Every day is filled with more intention, using tools to guide how I want to spend my days and then actually spending them this way. Escaping into the desert. Camping. Climbing. Yoga. Trainings. Turning pages. Filling notebooks. Weekday outtings. Weekends hikes. Conversations.
A lot of conversations.
Talking. Listening. Depths unrealized until we're in it, opening ourselves into safe spaces. Into each other. Unfolding intimacy through words, passions, attentiveness, and receptivity.
We are making a table together. As "bare" and open as we choose to keep our home -- as content as we are to sit side by side at the bar -- we are learning the value of sitting across from each other. Eye contact. Expressions. Body language. Connecting. It is quite the simple act, yet such a profound thing really.
Meaning in simplicity. My daily mantra.